Vanity and Creativity (ie boredom)

Business Proposal

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. "
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She responded, "The bastard used coins!"

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

(Thanks Chewy)

Stained Glass Masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the heart again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

(Casting Crowns, Lifesong, Stained Glass Masquerade)

Nursing

Well I finally start my new grad in 2 weeks (which I feel I have been saying for the last 2 weeks). Well actually it is in 2 weeks and 2 days, I just don't think I could count before. I found out I am starting on the oncology (cancer) ward. Its really not the best place to start, and is the only one place I know I don't want to be permanently in. But it is only for 3 months. Hopefully I get a place I want to go next time. Well the advice I have been given from my friends that have been there, or are currently in oncology, is that you shouldn't get emotionally attatched to the patients, and you should give lots of pain relief to the patients even if they dont ask for it. So yay! I think I will be okay in not getting emotionally attatched to the patients, seeing as I think I try not to really get attatched to anyone. I'm a very distant person. As someone said the other day "I hold my cards close to me", although it is not done intentionally. Well, the staff in oncology from my memory over the last 3 eyars are not that great, but from the last few weeks, when I was there it hasn't been too bad. If the staff like you, then you are fine. But if they don't like you or trust you, its not the nicest place to work, which is sad.

The other day my watch stopped literally the minute I stepped onto the ward for work, which was at 7:00 (I was right on time). Then this morning when I remembered my nurses watch had stopped, I went to get one of my other watches and realised it had stopped to. Then I looked for my other one, and it had stopped to. I really need to get some new batteries, I have no excuse this time. Even though I actually hardly ever use my watch at work, you do need it just in case. I just thought that was funny with all my watches stopped. If all my clocks stopped at the same time as well, then that would be freaky. But they are still going, and I can't exacly carry around my alarm clock everywhere, even thought I did think about it for a split second before I realised how silly that idea was.
Anyways, that's all folks.

Sky Diving!

Wow, I actually went sky diving. A group of 10 of us went sky diving this easter sunday for Sharona's Birthday. It was very expensive for the amount of time that was actually spent falling (appx. 1 minute), but it was worth it. I would recommend getting a video of it, which I did because it does happen very fast and you dont remember all of it. Also it can be very entertaining watching yourself or others screaming in terror (not mentioning any names Sharona :P). Where we went we did have a great view overlooking the beach. I would recommend it to anyone to give it a go. The main event that still sticks out in my mind is when they opened the door and I actually had to step out of the plane onto this platform. I think that was the worst bit, very scary, but great fun.

What's so funny?

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver, and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming,' and I grinned." "Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile." "Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick did the trick,' and I could hardly contain myself." "BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear rubber could have prevented this accident'... I just lost it." "CASE DISMISSED!!"